Happy Times With Jacob

One Year Later

So I am finally able to post these pictures. These are the maternity pictures we had taken on March 10th exactly a year ago. I wanted to post them the other day but did not have access to the correct computer. This was a day I had been praying for. Much like this year, the days had been very cold and dreary but this day was in the upper 50's maybe even lower 60's making it possible and comfortable to go outside for pictures.  It really was a wonderful day.  Stacey, our photographer, was so laid back and totally cool with the changing moods of the kids, she put me at as much ease as anyone could given trying to corral everyone and try to get those "good shots". My favorites are actually some of the ones where Allie is crying or Adam is not looking, getting his nose wiped by dad, because those are all the real moments.  How she got all the great pictures she did, that must have been divine intervention as well as her fabulous skills.  Looking back now, these are the most cherished pictures we may own.  I really had debated if we should do them or not.  There are always other things to spend money on, but as is true with some of my most loved earthly possessions these pictures rank among the top and were well worth the money spent.  I can not remember if I ever posted many of them. We received a majority of them well after Jacob had passed away.  I know I put a few on Facebook but have been waiting to share some of our favorites.  I hope Stacey won't mind that I cropped a few to make them more viewer appropriate...not sure if everyone wants to see my naked belly and didn't want to shock anyone although I cherish those just as much as the others.  

In an effort to focus the rest of the month and gather my thoughts I think this is the last post I'll blog for a while.  I am working on what the entirety of this last year has been like. I promise that all the saddest stuff is already out there, at least I hope so!  I never meant for this to depress everyone and I know that for some it maybe has. I apologize.  I just wanted to be as honest as I could be so that if/when my children read this, or anyone for that matter, they are reading the real stuff, not the stuff I still feel a nagging urge to write....the bright side of things....I promise I leave some of these posts and think, "Why did I not sugar coat it a little, maybe I should have? People will think I'm crazy and will now seriously run away from me if they see me coming!" There always is a bright side, but it is okay to share the dark too. I hope more people will, I know it makes me feel much better to read that others have struggled and makes me feel so much less alone and less crazy myself.  I am not the only mother to have lost a child and I have read stories of mothers that have lost all of their children.  This is the sad stuff of life, however, I find that remembering the joy we had is not a bad thing, it does not hurt all the time.  Below IS the time we had with Jacob; it's more than some families and mothers ever get so for those 9 months we are so grateful.  In the grief, sometimes it is hard for me even to remember the joy that did exist...it was real and was not erased, just cut shorter, much shorter than we were expecting.  I don't have to regret not having pictures done and I would have.

So here is all the joy before the storm.  With this new baby girl on the way, we are looking forward and praying for the storm to pass and the joy to filter it's way back into our lives in a way that sometimes only a baby can.  I hope she will know how much she is loved and how special she is, that she is not a replacement but a true blessing reminding us that the bad days do pass and love can be found again and felt again.  See you all at the end of the month:) 

Adam 2 years and 9 months old

Alexandra Ann "Allie" 1 year and 3 months old

 

                   

                     

                    

And here is the real picture....Dan wiping Adam's nose and me trying to hold Allie till we can try to "pose" for the next "real" picture:) 

    

                

How much happier could I have been?  I don't know that I could have been and I am blessed to have had this day.  Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Stacey!
March 10th, 2012
Our BEST day with Jacob and one of our best as a family....thus far!
More joy to come in 2013

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