Having sent from on high, O King of all, and taken the blessed infant, like a pure bird unto the heavenly nest, O Master, Thou has saved this soul from snares of many forms, and has united it with the souls of the Righteous who are enjoying the delights of Thy Kingdom. ~ From Jacob's memorial service

Purpose of my blog...

And so here I am...10 months post my son Jacob's unexpected death and writing a blog. I am not sure what I think about this but I do know that as everyone lovingly, yet haphazardly, always asks how I am doing this is the only way to sincerely and honestly let everyone know without spewing it all out each time. In person, I usually say the standard and most comfortable for others "I'm fine...how are you?" but here I can truly be honest. This is all very personal but I have found that an event such as the death of a child is still such a taboo in this society that people have lieterally no idea what this experience is like or how to react, help, or handle it when it happens to a freind, loved one, or even themselves. Selfishly, this blog is also a way for me to find my way through the fog of this year and try to figure out where I am. I have hesitated writing this as I don't want to be thought of as self-indulgent or a total bitter woman but I pray that in sharing, for someone, it will make it easier to understand how this experience has affected and continues to affect me and our family and maybe help someone out there to be a little more compassionate and kind to someone that they know that finds themself going through the same thing. So, for those of you that are still reading to this point and really want to know...well, here it all is...

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Chapter 6 added...

I was not sure if I would ever get this part written.  This has been the hardest part for me to remember, the days and hours before we had the services for Jacob...how I got through the days and nights...this part really is a blur but I think I managed to remember enough to fill the gap of time before we said our final goodbye's to Jacob.  I have talked to so many of you that have read all the chapters I have written and seem genuinely moved by them.  I again thank you for all your kind words. Knowing people are reading has been a great extra push for me to keep on going, keep remembering, keep writing.  I hope everyone can see how much we truly loved Jacob, still love him, and that everyone can see how he is still so much a part of our lives, even though we don't live in the memory of that awful week day in and day out. 
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