Having sent from on high, O King of all, and taken the blessed infant, like a pure bird unto the heavenly nest, O Master, Thou has saved this soul from snares of many forms, and has united it with the souls of the Righteous who are enjoying the delights of Thy Kingdom. ~ From Jacob's memorial service

Purpose of my blog...

And so here I am...10 months post my son Jacob's unexpected death and writing a blog. I am not sure what I think about this but I do know that as everyone lovingly, yet haphazardly, always asks how I am doing this is the only way to sincerely and honestly let everyone know without spewing it all out each time. In person, I usually say the standard and most comfortable for others "I'm fine...how are you?" but here I can truly be honest. This is all very personal but I have found that an event such as the death of a child is still such a taboo in this society that people have lieterally no idea what this experience is like or how to react, help, or handle it when it happens to a freind, loved one, or even themselves. Selfishly, this blog is also a way for me to find my way through the fog of this year and try to figure out where I am. I have hesitated writing this as I don't want to be thought of as self-indulgent or a total bitter woman but I pray that in sharing, for someone, it will make it easier to understand how this experience has affected and continues to affect me and our family and maybe help someone out there to be a little more compassionate and kind to someone that they know that finds themself going through the same thing. So, for those of you that are still reading to this point and really want to know...well, here it all is...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Not sure what to say...

That must sound funny considering I have written what feels like extremely lengthy chapters all week.  Seems I have a lot to say. But, seriously, I wanted to sincerely thank each of  you that have read any and all of what I have written. I know many have cried and although I feel bad for making anyone cry I feel like in some way this allows others to cry with me and share a little of this with me and it makes me feel not so alone in missing Jacob and so for that I am grateful to each of you.  Even if no one reads another word, I am glad I have done this if for no other reason than for myself.  Thanks for your support and kindness, it really means so much.  
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