Having sent from on high, O King of all, and taken the blessed infant, like a pure bird unto the heavenly nest, O Master, Thou has saved this soul from snares of many forms, and has united it with the souls of the Righteous who are enjoying the delights of Thy Kingdom. ~ From Jacob's memorial service

Purpose of my blog...

And so here I am...10 months post my son Jacob's unexpected death and writing a blog. I am not sure what I think about this but I do know that as everyone lovingly, yet haphazardly, always asks how I am doing this is the only way to sincerely and honestly let everyone know without spewing it all out each time. In person, I usually say the standard and most comfortable for others "I'm fine...how are you?" but here I can truly be honest. This is all very personal but I have found that an event such as the death of a child is still such a taboo in this society that people have lieterally no idea what this experience is like or how to react, help, or handle it when it happens to a freind, loved one, or even themselves. Selfishly, this blog is also a way for me to find my way through the fog of this year and try to figure out where I am. I have hesitated writing this as I don't want to be thought of as self-indulgent or a total bitter woman but I pray that in sharing, for someone, it will make it easier to understand how this experience has affected and continues to affect me and our family and maybe help someone out there to be a little more compassionate and kind to someone that they know that finds themself going through the same thing. So, for those of you that are still reading to this point and really want to know...well, here it all is...

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

hit a landmine today....sigh

So today I have to get on the phone with an insurance company.  This is how the conversation goes with a woman who is only equipped to read from her list of questions and apparently can't listen to responses other than the exact one she is looking for.

Customer Service Person (CSP):

CSP: How many children you have had in the last 5 years?
ME: 4
CSP: please tell me the dates of each birth starting with most recent.  (...Lord, now I'm going to have to tell her about Jacob and what happened, I hate this)
ME: Elena May 5, 2013
CSP: Was this a normal birth or a c-section? (now I'm going to also have to say that he was footling breech)
Me: Normal
CSP: Any complications? (...and so now I will have to tell her he died)
ME: No. none.
CSP: Okay the next birth.
ME: our son Jacob.
CSP: When was he born?  (here we go...)
ME: March 17, 2012
CSP: Was this a normal birth or a c-section?
ME: Well he was footling breech but I did labor with him naturally.
CSP: Any complications? (ugh I.    HATE.            THIS.)
ME: Well, yes.  He was born with Tracheal Atresia which means he was born without a trachea and so was unable to breathe and died.
CSP: Is Trachea Atresia one word or two? (seriously lady?)
ME: Two
CSP: How do you spell Trachea?  (OMG)
ME: T-R-A-C-H-E-A    (might as well spell atresia too) A-T-R-E-S-I-A
CSP: I'm sorry (with no change of tone) And how long did he live?
ME: (seriously, did I not just say he died at birth????) He didn't. He died as soon as he was born.
CSP: And the next birth... (WTF)

Note to insurance companies that care (if there are any) if you are going to hire people that act like damn machines and computers, I suggest you save money and just use computers to ask questions and respond to the answers given.

These days are what make living life after the death of your child hard.


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3 comments:

  1. RebeccaJanuary 21, 2014 at 3:26 PM

    It would take about five seconds to say, and mean, "I'm so sorry." It's not going to damage your productivity in any significant way, and it might actually improve your humanity.

    Now it's my turn to say I'm so sorry that you had to have that terrible exchange.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJanuary 21, 2014 at 8:30 PM

    It would have taken me exactly five seconds to ask her when she had her heart removed.....that's so awful!! People are so ignorant.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousDecember 13, 2014 at 11:34 AM

    After my son was born (he died later the same day he was born), I received stacks of things from my darn insurance company wanting me to sign up for all of these millions of great things to guide me through new parenthood, plaguing me to pick a pediatrician for my son, etc. I had to call several times before I could finally convince someone that my child was DEAD (I think the last person I actually did say it much like that) and was no longer in need of their services, so to PLEASE stop sending me. I was feeling harassed. This last young man I talked to was very kind and sounded heartbroken that my child had died. He said the others I had talked to had failed to put my son's death on his account. It was nice to talk to someone who sounded compassionate, and after that the mail and phone calls finally stopped. Our technological world is so hard on those of us who have lost babies.

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