Two years and a dream...

Yesterday does not only mark what would have been Jacob's second birthday but it marks the beginning of a dream that I've had for almost the entire time he's been gone.  I actually held off on it as I just wanted to believe that we would not know any other babies that died.  This was unrealistic but it's how I felt and a mother always hopes and prays for the best, even a miracle.  Sadly, Dan recently was asked to make a small coffin for a little baby, Owyn, who was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 during pregnancy.  He was not expected to live long but the doctors were not sure, you never can be, and unfortunately Owyn did not make it.  When Dan finished making Owyns small coffin, the first full size one he's needed to make since Jacob's, it rekindled this desire as we just could not bear to give them a bill after experiencing such a huge loss, a loss we've been through ourselves.  We donated Owyn's little coffin to their family, through Jacob's Memorial Fund that many of you contributed to after Jacob died...so in a way, you all blessed this family with a donation at a very difficult time, so thank you for that, for letting us give to another family by way of Jacob's unexpected death.

Yesterday I filed the Articles of Incorporation for a non-profit, born from the loss of Jacob, Jacob's Angels.  It has been my desire since we lost him to find a way to help other families that go through a similar loss.  There are so many amazing non-profit organizations out there that do an outstanding job already of helping in the days, weeks, months and years after losing a child and we have utilized many of them.   I wanted to wait and pray and find something that would be truly useful and beneficial to families that loose children like we lost Jacob and also do something that was not currently already being done.  It is my hope and prayer that in time Jacob's Angels will provide families that experience the death of a child, before or after birth, with a burial coffin at no cost to them through the donations of others.  We were so blessed in a very odd and unusual way that when Jacob died we both knew, without ever speaking it out loud, that Dan would make his coffin. However I don't know any other families that have that same option. I have heard countless stories of families that have lost a child and been tasked with, in the immediate wake of shock and grief, having to shop at funeral homes, online, or even at Michael's for a burial coffin or small box for their child. Some of these can cost more than $500 and some mothers may not have the time or energy to be "crafty" and make something of their own for a loss during pregnancy.  Some families that want to bury their children ultimately choose to cremate, not because that is their number one choice but because it is the least costly option.  To me this just seems so unfair.  If a family really wants to bury their child I just believe they should be able to and without spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars.  It just simply is not an option for everyone and if a family is not able to afford what they would ideally like for their child they can then also feel a great sense of guilt and shame that they are somehow "cheaping out" on their own child. I don't believe any family should be faced with having to put their child in anything they are not 100% comfortable with simply because of cost; as 100% comfortable as a parent can be in that situation alone. For those of us that have been through it, this is always a part of it, a hidden part of the tasks that must be done after a loss, and it's been a painful part for many. So I hope, as time permits, this will grow over the coming year and by next year, by Jacob's 3rd birthday, Jacob's Angels will be thriving and supporting other grieving families that follow us on this very unexpected path.  More to come but I just wanted to share...this is my birthday gift to Jacob and I hope it serves many of his friends that join him in Heaven down the road.